It's been over six years since i made this journal. time goes by way too fast.
It's been over six years since i made this journal. time goes by way too fast.
it seems as though i was much more insprirational as Tara J. is that weird to say? I should know myself a lot better now then when I was eighteen, or seventeen or even sixteen when I started this live journal. But i feel like i dont. I feel so much more not like myself. I feel thousand times more lost now then i ever did when i re-read these entries. Is that how everyone feels? Is that how it happens? You slowly lose yourself one year at a time until there is nothing left. Nothing but memories of better times and greater heartbreak. But it made sense, through all that I always saw the bigger picture & everyday was a new adventure. I never knew what i was going to do or who i was going to see. I could NEVER tell you how a night would end, or start. Now if you were to ask me I know. I know ever minute of how mylife is going to be played out. I don't like that. I've never wanted to be one of those people with a "prodictable" life. Ive become everything i thought i wouldn't.
I have no one but friends in my life to love. & to be honest i barely have friends out here. Friends like i had when i was tweleve ( to quote stand by me) but it's true. I mean Ive met people i wont ever forget out here. Buts its never the same as the ones that are with you from the begining. You can mark my word that if they ever bulid a diesel in the desert, i will be there. no hesitation. The real world is boring.
until my next mental break down...
( read my other lj my non-crazy livejournal. )
okay, so it's kaci.
i can't lie to tara's friends list.
seeing as i have jury duty in six hours, i don't really get to say goodbye to tara, per se.
i figured this was cooler & a little more permanent.
thirty reasons i'm going to miss/already love tara...
( how will i know limits from lies if i never try?Collapse )
I should probably write a big long entry about the FUCKING WONDERFUL Jonah show but I don't really have time. I will say that he was amazing & I think there were too many people for the outside show but whatever i got to sit next to the two hottest guys i have ever laid my eyes on & they sooo talked to me & i soooo skipped across the street with the hottest of the two & then he helped me over the wall. we'll end that with that. :)
& I should probably write about how today was 80's night only I played 80's night ALL day & we had an 80's dinner followed by an 80's dance party followed by a call from my Nick Rondeau followed by me getting really tired & leaving.
& next i should talk about how i moving to San Franscico in a day. & how im super excited & i need this time to get away & find my " inner tara" as some people might say or just you know party hard. hahaha.
& after i say all that i should talk about how great Ryan M is & how i really appricated the letter he wrote me. Thanks ryan, it really meant a lot even though it was short but you know I pretty much almost cryed.
& now goodbye everyone & i will be getting a new journal in a few weeks if anyone has a code for me it might help a little......<3<3<3 byebye ( when i get my new journal i'll add you so if you see some random name on your friends list its me:) oh yah but if you lend me a code then you'll know its me so it wont be too random. okay im done now.)
P.S. & here are a few pictures of cat & I from tonight. My new really expensive digital camera broke & it needs to get fixed so the pictures are kind of fucked up sorry....I'll have shelley scan all the other pictures i took with a regular camera later.
awwshit watch out 80's cause here comes Tara & Cat!!!!!!!!!!! whoop whoop!
looky looky its me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & im rocking out!!!!!!!!!! to no music!!!!!!!! or wait my dad was playing "pretty fly for a white guy" or some other really weird & random song....
So lets see I have to do a recap of like four days.
went to reggie/static lullaby/midtown/motion city soundtrack that was AMAZING.
(saw& hung out w/ my cutie pie Robert)
( eat Mexican food)
( walked almost as much as I walked at UCLA)
( Jenna joined)
( saw wayyy too many uber hoochies & flousies (?) )
( Felt up joe....)
( Steve -o singing hardcore into mic)
( & more)
went to lunch w/ grandma & aunt carrie & julie.
( saw Ashley)
( didnt get in trouble for moving)
( had fridays)
went to LA
( Picked up Tommy)
( Went to Colorado st.)
( got commented on the Guns & roses cut up tee)
( Tommy dran weird drinks)
( spent too much at U.O.)
( Went back to tommy's)
Went to Your enimies friends/ Pretty girls make graves show
( died from being so god damn sick)
( drank too hot of tea & got my tounge burned)
( walked & looked at tattoos)
( Hot guy talked to me & I froze)
( Stared at the hot guy all night & he must of thought i was crazy )
( I had NO voice)
( saw cassidy & leah (?) & trashley there.)
( Loved one song by Your Enimies friends)
( left at the last song cause I was so sick)
( went to bed)
Went to Long Beach ( elko st.)
( tommy got us lost cause he sucks)
( saw the cousins)
( went to thier new house in Naples?)
( went to in& out)
(went back to thier house)
( got money & a present)
went to a h20/ Name taken/ over my dead body/ Breakdance vietnam show
( got stuck in traffic)
( got there EARLY like homer told me)
( walked around MORE & got meixcan soda!)
( drew & his cousin showed up so I hung with them)
( Breakdance showed up FINALLY!)
( Victor came & he kept introducing me as " this is tara she has big boobs but shes like family")
( kleigh was there & we talked about moving & how she wants to)
( saw o-dog & brent & frog& everyone else i'd ever want to see)
( Drew & cousin went in & i stayed out & chit chatted)
( Homer got me on the guest list so no having to pay 10000 dollars to get in)
( homer & i made fun of everyone that walked by even if we knew them)
( the showcase NEVER sells out!!! at least to homer & I dont think so)
( name taken didnt play the ONE song i like & its the same one kaci HATES )
( Orlando came up to homer & i telling us about a finger)
( we go outside & brent is holding a human finger that he found)
( vic touches it & gets in troble)
( we leave)
( went to tacobell/ pizza hut & ate soo much)
( long ride home full of you'll miss me's & traffic & " Tara & Homer")
( drop off & go home)
Today i worked & asked to leave early even though its my last day at the shop. Its werid to think that I worked with those people for a year & now im leaving it all for something that i havent even known a week. So many things are going through my head & right now I cant even begin to let them all out.
I move on wednesday & this will probably be one of my last entries. I wont be writing in here once i move. I guess its just time for me to say goodbye. I might start a new one & make it friends only once I move but I honestly dont really want too.
as if not breathing is where i want to be.
I think this suites. & life works in weird ways.
Yesterday I hung out with him all day until I had to go to work. It was like old old times & we talked about even older times.
You know what I can't stand those stupid fake flowers all the girls wear. Honesetly I think thats the most annoying thing in fashion right now. I just want to rip off the fake flowers that the girls wear at all the shows. Oooo look at me Im scene. haha. okay im done now.
Ive been sick for the last two days yesterday Davey had to take over for me cause i thought i was going to die, not really but i didnt feel good. This morning i woke up at five in the AM & my mommy came over around seven. While being up at seven yesterday ( also) I found out they play two episodes of Dawson's Creek followed by two episodes of save by the bell. So today I watched Dawson's Creek again & then we put in Best Of Show which is really funny but then I finally fell back to sleep. See i woke up at five right? but i went to bed at one so I only got four hours of sleep which isnt good for a sick person. My fever went away which is a plus. ( which this is the first time i've ever called in sick to any job. ive left early but ive never called in sick I usual just work even though im sick. So with that said.) when I called in sick to work Jared was like wow you sound sick. But when Im talking to Jonathan later I come to find out that Josh has already called in sick & Brit is out of town. So I might to get to go to work sick & to add to the crappyness its STREET FAIR NIGHT. okay Im done. & im sick someone help.
Sunday got off work took a nap pick up cat ate chips and salsa while driving met at cats house for the party people showed up we got hammered jungle juice was renamed to love potion for obvious reasons met a boy named Tone showed him the ropes found out he was 17 and still I persisted got more hammered had people confessing lust to me left and right hung out with a guy named c-dub who took me under his wings meanwhile cat and mare in the other room gave Sean Kun a table dance ten faces no one knew showed up and engaged in drinking our alcohol we realized we're pussy's and let them drink until they felt like leaving Kevin showed up then left then called then we got more hammered Evelina seduced Sean Kun Erica slit her throat and her makeup ran still cant find her body chain smoking in the backyard for everyone not locked in a room together brand new was the sound track no complaints at midnight instead of turning into vampires everyone turned scene Cat lost her mind then her clothes then had a shower scene, literally which continued well into the morning found out B-dub didn't die like we all original thought he was just taking a hideous chasing his heart found c-dubs heart then lost it then found it then lost it again thanks B-dub in a car kaci and Shelley talking their drunken tongues off with many interruptions Kris Seto got ass slapped by me and later passed out by Kaci but not for long laid on the grass but did more than lay got a call from Ireland choose not to except the call to busy having sex because id rather sin than spend the night all alone four left still clothed and untouched turned into six when evelina joined out on the lawn in Sunday best and broken glass well broken glass at least six thirty and the suns up and we know cat is too because she couldn't keep the noise low the boys leave as boys of summer plays but ones still left everyone but me dressed up like me this is so typical.
Brand new was fun like whoa. That show was so fucking amazing to read all about it look at Shelley's shelleyshelley journal. Just know I got some ass. I think we all did. Ian got kaci's & I got jesses for sure<3<3<3 Murdah was in full effect like no other. Oh oh i know something I met lostpromises I so reconized him & i never reconize anyone so it was cool. He seemed nice we didnt really talk I just went & said hi. I think he got weirded out... Sorry if I freaked you out I didnt mean too :)
I couldn't not post these pictures....
This was at josh & jackies house durning our Jay Timberlake dance party what what?!
This one is funny funny. Jr giving the camera a little wink & Shelley & Cat trying to dance<3
This is me & my buddy Jeff who moved :( I miss him like whoa.
Tis' Erica & I
Me & Mare trying to relive our party hard days...... tear....
For some reason Im obsessed with taking pictures like this I must have 1000, not a joke. It's the ladies cause it was ladies night<3
Cat & I we took off our shirts but we had ones underneath so it doesnt really count.
This is a few nights later at Tylers casa....
So before Tyler even got to his house we sat outside & finished off the tequilla, you know how we do...
Shelley you should of pulled the trigger!!!! This is evelina getting shot by shelley
This is me getting shot by two girls who swear they're thugs... whatever.
awww it me & tyler. yah riiiight.
" I want to be a cowboy..." evelina soooo wanted to be a cowboy, shes weird. :)
Kevin & Tyler, dont they make the cutest couple?? haha.<3
wasted faces. I know I know, but we look cute doing it dont we??? haha
They insisted on me taking this picture, I dont know why either. Its Shelley hitting Cat's ass with a gun
Only evelina was hurt durning the making of these pictures & it was her falut so I have no remorse.
So that was the week sumed up in two days. I've worked everday but the two days that I have pictures for, I went shopping for the place, and I need to pack. Oh one more thing. & Kaci called me from brand new last night<3
PARTY AT CAT"S HOUSE ON SUNDAY THE 13TH.... ITS A HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARE/ JACKIE/ ITS JESUS CHRIST DAY/ WE'RE MOVING / WE SAW BRAND NEW LAST NIGHT/ WE SAW ALKALINE TRIO A MONTH AGO/ TARA & CAT AINT HAVING SEX FOR A LONG TIME/ KAIC IS BACK / CATS PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN/ MANY MORE TO COME.
hey its tara!!!!! i'm not even kidding, i'm soo tara! whoop whoop!!
I LOVE YOU, I HATE YOU, IM SO CONFUSED!
so, yeah.. i went to a family reunion today at target, and i'm still not even back. it's so awesome though! oh my god!
so cat and shelley have this awesome idea to get a pirate ship, and i think its so rad, and i really, really think its a good idea. i wish they would let me on their ship. i try to act like i dont care when theyre around and tell them i think its a dumb idea, but deep down inside im crying, and i want to ride the pirate ship.
evelina has welts on her arms, because she shot herself. im tara, rar rar rar.
i had kentucky fried chicken last night. happy birthday grandma! i love chicken!
"don't parking here any more please!!!"
you don't knooowww me! ho!! you aint my babys daddy!!!
cat, shelley, and evelina is at my house right now while im at the johnson family reunion. i love them like a fat kid loves cake. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
we got kicked out of tylers house last night. because we're so gangsta.
were gonna go eat and watch some BET, so we out! PEACE! i mean... this is tara. im tara! yaaaaaaaaaay tarataratara!
-----TARA (i swear.)