"in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade."
current mood: distressed
current song: Saves The Day: sell my clothes i'm off to heaven
it seems as though i was much more insprirational as Tara J. is that weird to say? I should know myself a lot better now then when I was eighteen, or seventeen or even sixteen when I started this live journal. But i feel like i dont. I feel so much more not like myself. I feel thousand times more lost now then i ever did when i re-read these entries. Is that how everyone feels? Is that how it happens? You slowly lose yourself one year at a time until there is nothing left. Nothing but memories of better times and greater heartbreak. But it made sense, through all that I always saw the bigger picture & everyday was a new adventure. I never knew what i was going to do or who i was going to see. I could NEVER tell you how a night would end, or start. Now if you were to ask me I know. I know ever minute of how mylife is going to be played out. I don't like that. I've never wanted to be one of those people with a "prodictable" life. Ive become everything i thought i wouldn't.
I have no one but friends in my life to love. & to be honest i barely have friends out here. Friends like i had when i was tweleve ( to quote stand by me) but it's true. I mean Ive met people i wont ever forget out here. Buts its never the same as the ones that are with you from the begining. You can mark my word that if they ever bulid a diesel in the desert, i will be there. no hesitation. The real world is boring.
until my next mental break down...
( read my other lj my non-crazy livejournal. )